I hate it here

I hate my living situation more than I can tell you. I want to move so badly.

My parents drive me nuts. My mother bitches contantly about how nobody does a damn thing around here or helps out. I'd like to ask her who the hell buys all the damn groceries and cooks in this place? I don't even have a job and waste my unemployment (which is over) on groceries for people who don't appreciate any of it.

We went to customer appreciation at a local meat market yesterday. I bought something just for me- pizza summer sausage. Even told my mother about it yesterday. I never get anything- no new clothes for I don't know how many years, no movies, no eating out, nothing. I do this one little thing for myself and she f*cking throws the summer sausage away today because she "didn't recognize" it in the meat drawer. WTF????

I am so angry! I snapped, screaming, yelling, crying. I know it wasn't done on purpose, but part of me feels like it was- maybe even subconsciously to get us to leave. Maybe the Pipsqueak and I do need to move away again- to where ever I can get a job. F*ck family at this point.

I am just so tired. Tired of no job. Tired of no income. Tired of everything.

And to top it off I'm so missing my grandmother right now. We were very close and I just wish she was around right now. She's the only one who ever made me feel safe and like I could do anything. I miss her more than anything and wish I could hug her one more time. No matter what she could make "it" better.

I want to be alone on a deserted island right now. Just me (and maybe the Pipsqueak) and nothing to deal with, no stress, nothing. Just relaxing time. That never happens anymore. Hell, I haven't been alone in almost 5 years. Try that on for size. I'm never alone here. Ever.

Okay- enough bitching. I just needed to vent. I think I'll go nurse this headache and be anti-social for a few days.