Taken out by a chicken

This morning has to be one that makes no sense. Despite the fact that we have new snowfall out the wazzu- there was only a 2hr school delay. Okay- I can live with that considering my Pipsqueak doesn't have to ride the bus.

However, after she left (my dad takes her to school) for some reason my world collapsed. Over a chicken. Yup, a chicken.

I had put in the first load of laundry and was getting the soup pot ready for the chicken. My plans had been to make chicken noodle soup today. Easy, simple, and perfect for this weather.

I bought 3 chickens yesterday at the butcher. Two were cut up and 1 was a small, whole (under 3 lbs) bird perfect for soup. Somehow I managed to thaw out one of the cut up chickens.

The thing is my mother noticed I had this cut up bird thawing- why didn't she say something to me? I'm really bothered by this for some reason.

Why is it such a big deal you ask? I don't like to use cut up chicken for soup. I know, technically, it's the same as a whole chicken- but I just don't like to do it. I won't do it. Therefore, I have no idea what to do for dinner or with this stupid cut up thawed chicken. We had baked chicken for dinner 2 nights ago- I'm thinking nobody wants it again.

That's when I lost it. I mean lost it... tears, anger, wanting to throw the daggum chicken out the window. I'm not sure what's wrong- but I am certain most of this emotion really isn't about the stupid chicken. It's about the fact that I still haven't found a job, that I feel trapped, and that my poor kid is growing up this way.

Yes, extended family can be a good thing. But we aren't the Waltons and I don't want to live here anymore. I want out. I want a job. I want my life back. I want my kid not to have memories only of what she was never able to do, but of fun things too. Right now, I don't know how many of those 'fun' memories she has that will include me.

She told me the other day that I never smile anymore. She's right. It takes a lot to make me smile and I am having a hard time not being serious all the time. Part is my personality, part is the overwhelming feelings of not having my life where I want it.

Anyway, if anyone still reads here- any chicken ideas will be welcome since I don't have a flipping clue what to do with this one except to cry about it.